So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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