You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
