I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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