dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
