I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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