dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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