im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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