Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
the day after is always just damage control
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize