I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
