I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
