The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
