He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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