I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
im holly from the hills drunk
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
