I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
