it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
