he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
