your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
