I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
