Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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