You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
