It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
