she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
