the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
