Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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