Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize