why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
