just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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