im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I want to have your abortion
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
