ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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