I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
