So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
