I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize