i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
