I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
