and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
