You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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