your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
