Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
