allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
