Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
