i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
operation have a gay friend backfired
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I love you. Go after that dick
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
