I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
