i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
