woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I need to align my fucking chakras
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
