I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
