Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I came so hard my ears popped.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
