I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
