After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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