You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
