I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize
