Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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