You really coming over, don't trick.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
