to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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