Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
