before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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