Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Randomize
