I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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