Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
