sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
