My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
