i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
