yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
