Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
