You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
