It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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