You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
