I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
