You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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